Perfectionism – How We See It as Bad, Good and Ugly

Watch out when someone says they are perfectionists as most likely they lack perfection.  Perfectionism is an obsessive behavior and even though it seems, that being perfect may be good and perfect (pardon the redundancy), being a perfectionist can be, not only bad, it can actually be ugly – not becoming at all.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is an obsessive personal trait or behavior that gives the endless need for more accomplishments. Perfectionism becomes toxic, as while those in its continuous desire for success  -  for being always the best in everything -  they are actually most focused on avoiding failure than anything else. They fear failure and so they brag about “perfectionism”.   In their obsessive trait they need and expect other´s adoration and approval to be unconditional and want to be seen grandiose and flawless. They actually live in an alternative reality –  their reality of being perfect and adored for it.

In psychology, perfectionism, is seen as (per Wikipedia) “a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting high performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. It is best conceptualized as a multidimensional characteristic, as psychologists agree that there are many positive and negative aspects. In its maladaptive form, perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve unattainable ideals or unrealistic goals, often leading to depression and low self-esteem. By contrast, adaptive perfectionism can motivate people to reach their goals, and to derive pleasure from doing so. Recent data show that perfectionistic tendencies are on the rise among recent generations of young people”.

Does perfectionism have to do with being perfect?

 - No, perfectionism has to do with a wish to be perfect that rarely gets accomplished because it lacks intention and maturity.

A perfectionist will often brag about being a perfectionist as an excuse for their anal way of doing things, their particular or meticulous ways and even sometimes for their slowness. Their "perfection" depends on their own perception and no one else´s.

There is nothing wrong about wanting to, pretending to or wishing to be perfect on any of our endeavors.

There is also nothing wrong about being meticulous, anal or slowness – it´s wrong though to pretend something we are not, or something we lack of.

Why is it wrong?

Because, we should be  - instead of pretending to be! Pretending to be something we are not is wrong for us, it´s unhealthy as it is going against who we really are.

Deep down we know we all lack perfection – all humans do anyway, some more than others  -   but we may want to be perfect , and this is totally normal as it is  part of anyone’s healthy evolution.

Run away from anyone who brags about being a “perfectionist”, but if you think you are one, then I suggest you  meditate on that by  visualizing  the good, the bad and the ugly parts of pretending to be a perfectionist; then ask your higher self if this is who you are supposed to be – the one with  the obsessive and grandiose thoughts of being a perfectionist. Observe yourself, observe the way you act, the way you maneuver yourself and others. Observe the reason that brought on your obsession. During the meditation if you decide you don´t want to continue having these obsessive thoughts, shift them into a new healthy desire of just wanting to be the perfect you, the one you were supposed to be from the beginning of your time, with all your beautiful flaws. Set word by word your exact desire and intention, for the new you that was always there but you almost forgot. When you set your intention – your desire, your wish, your prayer sets up the new you – and you no longer feel you lack perfection, because you get centered and balanced in who you are, and in that, you realize you are perfect the way you intend to be. If from time to time life “hits” you and you get off the rail, just remind yourself of how perfect you are, and get back to your oneness and uniqueness of being perfect with flaws that shine even in the dark. 

Much love and light!

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