Perfectionism – How We See It as Bad, Good and Ugly
Watch out
when someone says they are perfectionists as most likely they lack
perfection. Perfectionism is an
obsessive behavior and even though it seems, that being perfect may be good and
perfect (pardon the redundancy), being a perfectionist can be, not only bad, it
can actually be ugly – not becoming at all.
What Is
Perfectionism?
Perfectionism
is an obsessive personal trait or behavior that gives the endless need for more
accomplishments. Perfectionism becomes toxic, as while those in its continuous desire
for success - for being always the best in everything - they are actually most focused on avoiding
failure than anything else. They fear failure and so they brag about “perfectionism”. In
their obsessive trait they need and expect other´s adoration and approval to be
unconditional and want to be seen grandiose and flawless. They actually live in
an alternative reality – their reality
of being perfect and adored for it.
In
psychology, perfectionism, is seen as (per Wikipedia) “a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for
flawlessness and setting high performance standards, accompanied by critical
self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. It is best
conceptualized as a multidimensional characteristic, as psychologists agree
that there are many positive and negative aspects. In its maladaptive form,
perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve unattainable ideals or
unrealistic goals, often leading to depression and low self-esteem. By
contrast, adaptive perfectionism can motivate people to reach their goals, and
to derive pleasure from doing so. Recent data show that perfectionistic
tendencies are on the rise among recent generations of young people”.
- No,
perfectionism has to do with a wish to be perfect that rarely gets accomplished
because it lacks intention and maturity.
A
perfectionist will often brag about being a perfectionist as an excuse for
their anal way of doing things, their particular or meticulous ways and even sometimes
for their slowness. Their "perfection" depends on their own perception and no one else´s.
There is
nothing wrong about wanting to, pretending to or wishing to be perfect on any
of our endeavors.
There is
also nothing wrong about being meticulous, anal or slowness – it´s wrong though to
pretend something we are not, or something we lack of.
Why is it
wrong?
Because, we should be - instead of pretending to be! Pretending to be something we are not is wrong
for us, it´s unhealthy as it is going against who we really are.
Deep down
we know we all lack perfection – all humans do anyway, some more than others - but
we may want to be perfect , and this is totally normal as it is part of anyone’s healthy evolution.
Run away
from anyone who brags about being a “perfectionist”, but if you think you are
one, then I suggest you meditate on that
by visualizing the good, the bad and the ugly parts of
pretending to be a perfectionist; then ask your higher self if this is who you
are supposed to be – the one with the
obsessive and grandiose thoughts of being a perfectionist. Observe yourself,
observe the way you act, the way you maneuver yourself and others. Observe the
reason that brought on your obsession. During the meditation if you decide you
don´t want to continue having these obsessive thoughts, shift them into a new
healthy desire of just wanting to be the perfect you, the one you were supposed
to be from the beginning of your time, with all your beautiful flaws. Set word
by word your exact desire and intention, for the new you that was always there
but you almost forgot. When you set your intention – your desire, your wish,
your prayer sets up the new you – and you no longer feel you lack perfection,
because you get centered and balanced in who you are, and in that, you realize
you are perfect the way you intend to be. If from time to time life “hits” you
and you get off the rail, just remind yourself of how perfect you are, and get
back to your oneness and uniqueness of being perfect with flaws that shine even
in the dark.
Much love
and light!
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